Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Social Suicide

Alright, let's get one thing straight, I am a loser, or was, well…errr, see I'm not too sure because it's your choice how you would like to label me. I say this because, I recently met an angry, angry, older girl, let's name her Xena, who once knew (or now loathes) another girl I've known for quite a while longer of the same age, we'll call her Daisy. Now, amazingly they both attended the same high school, Xena is a female version of me in the early years of me starting out as an adult as opposed to Daisy. For both Xena and I, Daisy would be one of those people that make up one of those spaces on a 'to be killed' list. The other night I witnessed the 'to be killed' passing judgment on the angsty Xena and referring to her high school status as "the biggest loser in school", now allow me to raise the question again, is Xena me??? Checklist: high school, tick; angry, tick; loser, tick. Now, on top of me being the one with loser above his head as if it were a thirteen year length game of Celebrity Heads, I did most of the work for everyone, I committed 'social suicide'. Now, for the very few on the globe that have not yet been informed, by suicide I'm referring to my previous employment as a secret service agent for the Aussie government. Crack, bang, toy guns, files and identification tags, the freakin' works; I could've been a con artist. For so many years I dedicated my youth to trying to convince people I was 007, with rare success of course, therefore putting myself in a bad place in the silly little game of being a kid. Course, kids make stuff up all the time but I took it too far and way too long. You ask me why? Some said it was because my folks went there separate ways, fuck you and mind your own business, some say I'm a complete idiot, congratulations. The real underlay of it all was, I wanted to stick out, I wanted to be different because at a young age, I subconsciously knew that everything ran the same functionality like mechanical robots, especially in faggy, little catholic schools where people give their lives to a book of short, fiction pieces. Although, true, I did get what I wanted but it never panned out the way I'd originally planned in my young age. That is all.

I am now leaving the building, Agent Quinn - Transmission Out.

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