Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Caught in a Funk

It's 6am and the alarm clock is buzzing; time to wake up.
I am stuck in a hole, in which I dug, I dug it by upgrading my life with all this shit I depend on so much; my computer, my media player, my phone; these damn things run my life.

You see, I've been without my phone for quite sometime now. Despite the large amount of dollars I have thrown into the slot of many payphones out there, without a doubt I couldn't give a stuff about not being able to call or message, but in having my phone in repairs for the past month, I have lost access to maps, details regarding certain events, a resolution to boredom, and most importantly, it was my damn organiser. I've just been so busy and in times like these, my phone always helped me prioritise, put everything in perspective and pace myself a little. Since losing my phone, assessment dates have just gone straight over my head, I have failed to attend my last two staff meetings and anything that I do need to know, is either on my palms, in my head or in a small book that I have tried and failed to substitute for my phone.

Look at this, perfect example, I am having a bitch about a phone, some wires in a bit of plastic; this is the hole I put myself in. I'm having a great time but it would be better if I had my phone, I can be out with mates and my mood will just dive each time I reach into my pocket forgetting that my Hiptop is elsewhere. I just feel incomplete without it, and it's the shittiest feeling and the shittiest situation I have put myself in, where the loss of a material object is effecting my mood. Fuck it, I have a half a tooth in my lip and am due in for surgery and all I can worry about is getting that damn phone back.

It just feels like my life is at a pause at the moment, like a video in a VCR, and this is going to be something that will only continue to grow from here on in and my only option to stop it seems to be an option I am not willing to take.

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