Friday, September 19, 2008

Numb

Late last night I found myself receiving luck from all angles; yet this afternoon I left the hospital with only my mother.

Hospitals are a generally depressing place, drab choice of paint colors and a scent of anaesthesia and death, but how about the death of feelings, the final gasp of misconception? From the point of admission to the time of discharge, you finally know who just cannot give a fuck about you any more.

The worst feeling was probably walking out half drugged expecting my mum to be speaking to my best friend that only lived moments from the hospital and the girl of my dreams to have now come and gone due to her exam at one, but she was alone and had been since I left, and slowly but surely, my successful day surgery had just transformed into the evident death that comes with anything of this nature.

In these situations, you don't deal with death well, what I thought at eight o'clock walking through those doors was not what had happened walking out of them. I told them not to fuss, that the surgery was going to be nothing but they insisted on coming, but without the warning I deserved I had to find out the hard way that they, indeed, did not make the fuss.

Been home since two, laying here sipping a chocolate protein shake, trying to keep my tears from falling into it, next to a full packet of Mi Goreng noodles that had been promised to be waiting here for you when you said you'd be here with me because I needed you, but the noodles are lonely...but it isn't a surprise because so am I.

I don't know what changed with you guys in the chunk anaesthetic stole from the life of Ryan somewhere between eleven o'clock this morning through to one o'clock this afternoon, but what I do know is it's left me in bed alone for six hours with nothing but this phone you broke the news to me with and you out having fun, only a one dollar fifty bus ride away...but you guys will never spare that loose change because something died in that theatre today, and it certainly wasn't me.

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