Friday, January 30, 2009

The Overdue Pile

What I am about to say is long overdue, and that is to say thank you so much to Jessica Mahlberg for everything. My actions never reflected gratefulness and neither did my cards, for somebody who writes the amounts that I do; the single-sentenced cards are a guilt of mine to be burnt, so I guess it lead to tonight.

You are going back to school in about six hours and New Years may have beaten me to it but the school year won’t. I want you to start your HSC year knowing that I am so very grateful for what you have done for me. I want this to be something you won’t find on one of those obligatory cards saying thank you; pretty much, something that really blows that crap right out of the water. You have done so much for me, anything from baking me that cake on my seventeenth to simply caring for me the way that you do, the amount you have put in for me is far north of what was needed; when it comes to me, you have been entirely self-less. I know that, while you had spent all your generosity points on me, I was spending arsehole points on you, and in saying that, the word regret just doesn’t cut it. It just wasn’t our time and it hurts me just to say that, but it’s the truth. By the time we began dating, those generosity points that you threw at me like you were on a spending spree were all gone; I had my pockets turned out as I had found myself to be bankrupted of any feeling apart from anger and I even discovered that maintaining or creating friendship was a difficulty at that point. What I am trying to say in all of this is that it was an indirect fault of mine; I know that it does take two-to-tango and we both went through some purely pissed off periods of time, but I laid most of the groundwork for all of that to construct itself on; I am so sorry.

Also, I know you are worried. It seems that I am beginning to move forward, but I cannot stress enough that this is not the forefront to our friendship beginning its dying stages. I just want you to know, that now that our romantic ties have been completely cut and I may carry on with another, that our friendship will remain untouched and even though that physically, I may not be able to offer as much time as before, the time to be spent with you will be in mind, emotionally.

Finally, in the footprint that you have made on my life, I tell you, never doubt your self-worth. Sure, we all have our flaws, but as a friend, girlfriend or even as an acquaintance, you have so much to offer. For speaking words that I could speak, for caring, for loving, for remaining at a constant when everybody else hadn’t; Jessica Marie Mahlberg, I said that I loved you, and I meant it.

1 comment:

  1. I ment it too, i always ment it.