Wednesday, March 18, 2009

One Jumped Hurdle

Most of my friends are hopeless disappointments, they wouldn’t know initiative if it fell out of the sky and into their lap, but I don’t say that as a negative thing, I say it more as something that has become a natural event that I no longer have the will to waste time in delaying. This has been years coming, hidden deep in the recesses of my brain; the ability to not give a shit about the people I…errr…love? A while back I realised that with zero result, I was dedicating so much of my time worrying about events that were inevitable regardless of what I did, and as a result I was losing touch with the people that have never required this type of extra-curricular effort and, more importantly, I was losing touch with myself.

With their total lack of initiative, I have slowly come closer to lacking the emotional-resources to keep these friendships glued together; that is the point I have reached at present. I am at total exhaustion-point; I mean, how could you blame me with the excluding, drug-taking, school-drop-out, never-home, criminal-associated people I used to call friends; I even wonder if there is anything worth saving anymore. I will no longer account for the initiative of ingrateful-people just because after so long, some idiots still don’t know how to take the simple and appropriate measures that a healthy friendship requires.

So, stepping aside from my new-found ability, I have a question, and that is, is it that I have essentially grown by lightning up as a person, or am I just subconsciously following the natural transformation from teenhood to adulthood? The whole Garbage-in, Garbage-out bit? I mean, it would make sense, my friends and myself are at an age where parting ways is a high-risk factor where we may move onto other friendship groups, onto another paramour, onto different venues of education and employment, onto more potent substances, a more immediate route for intercourse; regardless of if it’s one or the other, or both combined even, it’s still happening.

It’s all for the greater good, and sure, losing a large chunk of my friends doesn’t sound great on paper, but I am happy, and in future, be happier worrying about my own problems and having appropriate control over my own actions. In worrying about things unique to my persona, I have time to put effort into something that will rise from my time-spent, and not inevitably fall.

3 comments:

  1. hey sweetie. ive missed your blogs. i see that that you dont blog to often well like once a week.
    miss you ryan.

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  2. Hey hun, I actually have about 8 or 9 drafts in my phone that are waiting to be submitted but I have been working for most of the week so it's been a little difficult to find the time. Miss you too leanne, hope melb is treating you well.

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  3. lol i love how blunt you are
    "Most of my friends are hopeless disappointments"

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