Saturday, August 15, 2009

Shh, Can't Talk

If I cannot converse, crack a joke or socially connect in general, I will have a terrible time. It’s not in my character to be quiet, I am not a quiet person, but when it comes down to engaging in an activity which requires focus, my whole grip on demonstrating my social abilities can tend to go astray. At work, stress is almost guaranteed; when I was at TAFE, most of the time my only interest was trying to get out in one fell swoop, so as a result of goal, I often subconsciously force humour and conversation into non-existence.

I don’t like who I am at work. On my first shift, I knew it was going to be a taxing and stressful job, and now, it has come down to feeling like I am always arguing or never being able to have a good laugh with the people I work with, and I mean, how can someone value a friendship with a boring or angry person, someone that appears to have no character at all? My only real chance to connect is at work-related social-gatherings, even then though, the happiness that comes over me socially can, in some minds, be outweighed by the times at work that my mood has taken a new low.

At TAFE, it wasn’t my crowd. I felt like an alien when I would converse with the people I went to class with. My jokes were misunderstood and frowned upon, films that I would mention were unheard of, as with any other reference; I was on a different planet. However, there was one girl that I connected on several different levels with, but after she dropped out, I pretty much spent the remainder of the year on my lonesome with my head down and my pen to paper; I dislike this person also, because it’s just not me.

Thing is, I have modes, and often in those modes, conversation is put to a minimum. Outside of a shift or class, I am a different person, but unless my work and class mates see a reason to socialise with me outside of their obligations, how will they see the real me and not the misconception of who I am when my mind is required elsewhere? Bottom line is I don’t want people to misjudge simply because I am hard at work; I’m not dull.

" The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. "
- E. E. Cummings
I had to add this in. - 30/10/09

1 comment:

  1. of course you're not dull...
    and i doubt anyone thinks that of you...
    truth is everyone has modes...everyone is a different person in different situations so i doubt people will judge you on that one situation they have seen you in...and if they do then it's their loss isn't it?

    stay sweet lovely