Thursday, October 22, 2009

this girl

This girl, I don't really know who she is, and I don't really think that she knows who she is when in the eyes of others, most of all, though, she doesn't know what I see when I am looking at her, that's for sure. When I say 'really' in 'I don't really', it actually means that I think I have a pretty good idea, but that idea might be proven wrong, like I said, our friendship comes down to me knowing her first, middle and last name, knowing where she would rather be right now and who she would perhaps be better without, but I don't know her, like really, I just know what I think.

This girl, this is what I think about her. When looking into the mirror, she sees a speck, replace that mirror with me and I am looking at a boulder. This girl, she uses words like 'empty', 'bored', 'disappointing' and to sidekick her kicking her own arse, she belittles her existence by comparing herself with objects of no substance. She sees everything by looking up and consequently misjudges her own worth. Her happiness is reliant on what others think, that same happiness hungers for prospects she is unable to find, she seeks approval and independence but feels that she is losing her grasp on those two things. Post-to-post, she gets lost in her music titles and is left undiscovered beneath her own fears.

So, this girl, she doesn't understand what I know, or at least what I think I know. This is why I write this, why I am identifying a girl which I know no hard facts about. It's because at every glance I take at the girl, I see a person that is contrary to the one that is spoken of in every blog that she posts. To me she isn't the failure she thinks she is, but how do you tell someone that without them taking it as a friend being nice when in fact I am just a friend being honest? This is why I write this, it's why it has been waning on my mind of late. I mean, the fact that she would never come to me for support doesn't help, it would certainly open up the opportunity for these things to be articulated in a more private manner.

This girl, I know that she's hurting; I know that she is at a pit stop she doesn't want to be at, but if only she would come to me for support, seek some consolation in my general direction just for me to show her that she isn't what her blogs claim that she is. I'm not saying that I'm the only single-digit that has but I've seen that face, and I want it to be looking at me and telling me that the next blog post will be about how grounded things are and about how fantastic things are becoming for her life and her emotions; all I need is some fuel to attempt to make that happen for someone so great, such as this girl.

1 comment:

  1. maybe you should go up to her instead of waiting for her to go to you?

    thoughtful post, ry.