Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Ten Missed Calls

I’m not clingy, unless of course the situation calls for it. You see, there are two types of people, the clingy and the not so clingy, but you see, there are also these people that do this thing, I see it as the coward’s outlet of an easy escape, only problem is that this methodology can turn even the not so clingy into full-blown stalkers, it’s called avoiding. When you aren’t replying to messages, when you are letting calls ring-out in the hopes that it’ll be the last or even when you just pass by without a sign of acknowledgement, what do you expect to happen? This is the thing I fail to apprehend. In lieu of just being forthright with people, others are willing to make things worse and cause trouble as a tool used to get rid of people.

As I said, I don’t consider myself to be generally clingy, but I know in myself that naturally if somebody isn’t replying to my messages that I will most likely message again in a few days, maybe even that day, if a call goes unanswered that I will try again, and if somebody ignores me out on the street that…well, the amount of calls I’d be making to that person would have just multiplied considerably; are you catching what I am trying to demonstrate here? Understand that if you are one of those who has tried to avoid someone presuming that they will just give up eventually, those people, at least for a while, are just going to persist further, it’s a little like a shell that is stuck to a rock with a creature still living in it (a Patella vulgate, to be all technical), think of it like you’re the creature, at first you would only be grasping onto that surface with neutral pressure, but once somebody comes along and tries to pull you and your shell off of it, you grasp harder, and then when they try again straight after, you grasp even tighter. See? The thing is, the more you grasp onto that rock under your little coward sanctuary that is the shell, the more someone is going to want and try to take you off of that rock, and then you’ve only created this little vicious cycle for yourself, whereas you could have just ended it all forty messages ago with a f*** off, you are annoying me, although, make sure that you rephrase that in the nicest possible way, I am not condoning that sort of approach – if you do, you might as well slash their wrists for them.

I’ve been on both the receiving and the giving end in this situation. Being completely truthful, I once served an ex-girlfriend at work that treated me exactly like I was just another employee at that place, I have also had friendships and even relationships end simply because they began to avoid, some of which have succeeded and I haven’t heard from in years. Some have indeed won with me, one day I have just thrown down my phone and decided that it was the last time that I was going to try, but I spent a little more than a few months trying, believe me, I am the type of guy that if I don’t understand something or if I need a few questions answered that I am willing to go out of my way in order to culminate that desire for affirmation, so don’t be a douche. So when the tables have turned and it’s come down to me befriending somebody that has dropped a few too many messages my way, I can honestly say that I have never just begun to avoid someone, unless there has been some form of discrepancy. I could never just abruptly leave somebody hanging over there phone for three months waiting for a call that will never come, I have always been upfront, and usually pretty promptly too; the earlier the better, I say. So, if I can do it, and I am still alive and still friends with those that I have had a talk with, why can’t you? I have always gone into one of these conversations completely aware that I am potentially putting a nasty negative above my head and will possibly be called an arsehole for as long as I see this person and their friends, but I have jumped into it anyway, and every time without fail, the clinginess has consequently subsided and the negative name-calling has worn off in less than weeks. So with all of that being said and my experience with it now out there, let’s weigh the options: When I have let people know when they are being a little intrusive, any negativity to my name and anything else regarding the situation has washed away within a week, however, when someone has avoided me and I have been forced to be clingy myself, well, let’s just say that it’s been years since and I can’t even envision a scenario where I will ever even share a look with these people ever again; which one is more appealing to you? At the moment it would seem that people prefer years and years of tension and ill-loathing.

So finally, a piece of advice, coming from somebody that can empathise with both parties, silence can hurt and scar a lot deeper than being straight-out ever could, as long as it’s done correctly. Just know that, in order to avoid questions, you keep them answered, and if you don’t want to ever pick up your phone again with ten missed calls on the display, then you answer that first one. Its simple logic, so grow some fucking fortitude and don’t be so horrible to those that enjoy your company.

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