Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Urinating Publicly!

I know that there are some that may say that this, perhaps, is the lowest activity a human can engage him or herself in, and fuck, can you blame them? It’s pretty much relative to walking, then coming to a halt and leaking your own brand of E. coli all over the sidewalk, but gees Louise, do I love it! Aside from my lack of a foetus-baring uterus and monthly menstruation, public urination is by far the thing I enjoy most about having been endowed with a penis.

I could relate the annoyance of trying to find one of my female friends a toilet to dragging my friends halfway across town in the wrong direction in the hopes of finding a cash machine that is owned by my bank, simply to avoid the two Australian bucks I would be charged if I were to use the machine only metres away. So since I have the habit to inconvenience the people I am with in search of the only ATM that isn’t in eyeshot and the fact that all that I need is a wall or a tree – which are everywhere – makes this just one less inconvenience I don’t have to constrain myself with. Now, if only there was a St George Bank/ Westpac ATM on every wall and behind every tree, because that would be awesome.

Having said that, I must also add that female public urination, or any non-conventional form of female urination for that matter, is without a doubt the most sickening and unattractive image my eyes have ever been subjected to, and I have seen films written (and directed) by James Wan! I mean, I find it so repulsive that if somebody were to make an hour compilation tape of that stuff and then forced me to watch it, I would have no option but to turn homosexual until the day that I have a breakthrough with the therapist I will need to hire after watching such horror. Two films sprung to mind when writing this: that scene in The Full Monty where Mark Addy’s character breaks into the men’s restroom of the club where his wife is attending a ladies-only night, and she walks in so he hides in one of the cubicles, where just outside, mucking around with friends and half-drunk, she proceeds to use the urinal to pee and then there is that sequence where everybody is leaving the horse races in Kenny and you see a shot, no longer than five seconds - yet five seconds too long, of that well-dressed woman doing basically the same thing; those two scenes tickled my gag reflex.

So some people make a face, and I understand because in theory, it’s disgusting, however, in my opinion, as long as you’re a discreet male, I don’t see a lot wrong with it in the practical swing of things, and as much as I enjoy it, I would never do it unless it is absolutely necessary. It’s a bit of a double standard of mine, I know, but really, public urination is an activity of the male genitalia which I proudly embrace.

1 comment:

  1. So... you're basically admitting to being a giant hypocrite who is happy to partake in 'leaking your own brand of E. coli all over the sidewalk,' for your own convenience, but once the gender is switched is suddenly wrong and gross? Lol, Ryan.

    I do find it intriguing how strong you're off switch is so strong when it comes to girls and urination. Do you know why that is?

    cya tuesday.