Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Girl-on-Girl

I don’t know about you, but I am male, so naturally that means that I am a major advocate of girl-on-girl action. Being the proud owner of male equipment means that I am only obligated to raise an eyebrow (and something else) at one girl straddling another, cleaning out the insides of each other’s mouths with their tongues, unfortunately that's the law set by the dude-police...or so I believe. You see, that stuff is treated like gold, but it isn’t gold. I have never understood the male predilection to lesbian behaviour - girl-on-girl is bore-snore!

Without falsely making it sound like my life is like living an American Pie flick, I have been the witness to the sensual union of many female tongues and often it’s met with ample-anticipation and neandathalic-excitement from the male guest list of whatever social-gathering I am at, and I never get what the hub-bub is about. Behaviour like that over something that will essentially go nowhere just gives me the drive I need to revoke my penis. Lesbian action shouldn’t even be considered ‘action’, it’s not even a comedy, it’s more of a b-grade drama about Elvis; in clearer terms it's boring. Whoopty-do! Two chicks are kissing, now what? Are they getting naked? No. Will it eventually lead to sex? Probably not. Am I embarrassed to be part of a gender distracted by the smoke and mirrors of it all? Yes. Those same guys who edge straight girls on for lesbian acts or gawk at actual couples like little R. Kellys in training, I guarantee are the ones that frequent (chose that word carefully) a lesbian porn collection at home.

Speaking of, for something that is designed to excite, lesbian porn is even more uneventful than these petty shindig hook-ups. Not to say that I watch a great deal of porn, especially when I'm involved with someone, but in the little lesbian porn I have ever bothered exposing myself to, nothing ever happens! It’s just two girls who never truly come to a close and look just as bored as I am, and after it's done, I am only ever left with an impulse to switch on an episode of Sesame Street.

In a nutshell, do you want to know what happens in any gratuitous lesbian behaviour, be it some lip-service at a party or in front of the camera? Nothing. When it does actually come to...clears throat...watching pornography - and this will sound several different kinds of wrong - I really need a penis in there somewhere to make it at all exciting. Let's face it, gratuity is a car and that car is best driven by a man; it’s the truth.

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