Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Grinch Who Stole Shots

As far as the law’s concerned, I started drinking almost four years ago when I hit eighteen. Once at a nightclub, my cousin reminisced a time which was well-before I actually started drinking where going out to bars and clubs in Sydney wasn’t the latex-gloved airport affair it is now. There were no lockouts, drink-based bans or hating on glass. The only real worry of any night-out, albeit very minor, was your age. Since then, from what I’ve gathered from other more mature folk, it’s true how simple things were, and yeah, that fucking sucks, especially for those of us that, like me, turned the legal drinking age when this war on Sydney’s alcohol violence hoopla was just kicking off. But, that aside, can we please quit acting like the government is the villain here.

Every few months and every New Years, the same landslide of short-sighted bullshit either gets splashed across the news, is involuntarily-forced into my inbox or floats out of people's mouths, and it’s always just the same whinge about how the government – the Grinch who stole Christmas – are trying to put an end to fun by banning shots for a few hours. Please, spare me. We, the hoi-polloi, are the only ones to blame for any stringent rules on the consumption of alcohol. Of course, whenever I say ‘we’ in this post, I actually refer to anybody who has, I don’t know, glassed somebody…ever or caused trouble to businesses near wherever the alcohol was served. If you fall into that criteria, and now you’re having a tantrum, then take a look in the mirror buddy, you’re the little devil whinging about the heat.

There is one area where these idiots have a point though (of course, that’s assuming that this is the point that they’re trying to make), we should be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. And yes, the state government are the ones who are standing in the way of that, but how does that make them the bad guys? If alcohol-fuelled violence really is as bad as the media is making it out to be, then frankly I’d be more concerned if the government weren’t doing something. Do people not understand that this is their job? It is one of their duties to regulate the sale and consumption of alcohol. They’re the good guys who have our best-interest at heart in terms of alcohol-consumption and this is how they think that they’re going to keep us safe. No shots after midnight, plastic cups, a two in the morning lockout – will they be very effective? Your guess is as good as mine. Does it make things hard for everyone? Yes. But at least they are doing something about it, am I wrong?

On a final note, has anybody actually stood back and spared a thought about what it actually is that everybody is sooooo up in arms about? And I mean really thought about it. Is alcohol really this important to everybody? Excuse me, I’ll rephrase that: Is a little less alcohol really this important to people? I mean, I love shots and doubles as much as the next guy, but like I’d ever campaign for something so trivial and tawdry. I mean, drinking’s not a right; everybody knows that…right? Because it’s not how we’re acting. If somebody didn’t know what was happening and they only saw the reaction to this travesty, they would think that we just banned church or voting or something. See, those two things are actually rights - drinking alcohol however, that’s a privilege, a gift even! Alcohol is a drug, don’t forget. Out of all the drugs in the world, I’d say only a small percentage of them are legal – that makes it a privilege. What’s more is that this and arguably nicotine are the only recreational drugs that are legal - to me, when you take into account how many recreational substances there are out there that could score you a nice little prison sentence, that makes it a fucking gift. I think we should just think ourselves lucky that the drinking age isn’t twenty-one anymore, don’t you?

Really, this all just sounds like vacant mutterings from the same people who have convinced themselves that the police single them out all the time because they’re not white or something. I mean, these people are never just taking a stroll, wondering why Brothers & Sisters got cancelled each time they’re accosted by police, are they? But in their mind, they always seem to think that’s the case. That’s not to say that the world isn’t littered with injustice; I myself have been bent over a table and fucked Oscar Wilde-style by the law-man on numerous occasions, but my point is that the law rarely comes knocking unless you give it a reason to. Translate that to this situation: they served, we drank, we drank a lot, we glassed, we pissed it out all over our freedoms and they responded. It’s that simple. I’m not real crystal on what people aren’t understanding about the concept of placing-blame, because the way it’s done is that one person places blame on the person or people who are to blame, in this case, ourselves! So basically what we have here in Sydney are a group of people only angry because they’re either as addicted as Billie Holiday or as dense as Forrest Gump.

Here’s an idea, just kickin’ it around: instead of petitioning against the government for, you know, governing, the more logical thing to do would be to petition your friends to stop acting like total fuckwits, that way the hands of the government won’t be forced into trying to stop them.


alcohol-ban

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I Love Mike Tyson…Psych!

For some time now, I’ve had this throbbing god-like erection…of hate! A tasteless thing to say I know, but it’s okay here because I’m writing today to throw some thoughts your way about a human being (using that loosely) who doesn’t have a scintilla of taste in their body, and their name is Mike Tyson. That hate, however, isn’t nearly as monumental as the less than favourable feelings I hold toward his fans. You see, I only hate Mike Tyson the same way that I hate all violent rapists, but I hate people who celebrate people like that more, and that’s the problem, we are constantly celebrating and eulogising Tyson for his shenanigans, whether they’re the acts of a sick person or not. What? Are we light on rape? Or do we just see mental illness as a wealthy-source of chuckles? Forgive me, I’m confused.

stuLet’s talk about another rapist for a second, Ted Bundy. Personally, I would never have a beer with Ted Bundy or consider him anything more than an evil and reprehensible person, and from what I’m assuming, neither would you. So why would I treat Tyson’s appearance at Charlie Sheen’s Roast, in The Hangover movies (which directly celebrate his insanity) and in his upcoming show here as anything other than the revolting celebration of an evil and reprehensible bipolar and alleged manic depression sufferer whom had eight children to a rash of different women and, in his mid-twenties, was convicted of raping an eighteen year old girl in a hotel room. And the much larger question is: why would anybody else see it as anything else?

I’ve covered the glorification of arseholes in some detail already, so I’m trying to keep this short. The reason I refrained from mentioning Tyson back then was because I’ve been saving his impressive rap-sheet for a much, much rainier day. Now, in the midst of the Australian Government granting him a visa to enter this country and give inspirational speeches to…I don’t know, other sex offenders I suppose, that day is here I’m afraid.

So, when you consider the high-praise Tyson receives, a man whom is so vile that he even got one his prison guards pregnant whilst serving out his rape conviction, and then when you also take into account the swelling record sales a man (another loosely used term) receives even after he bashes Rihanna, and then the many others not unlike Tyson whom people basically worship, what’s the message that’s being sent to the rest of the world, that if a person’s famous enough then abhorrent crimes like rape and general brutality are okay? I don’t get it.