Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Excreting Anchors

Some days, I’ll be out and I’ll feel like something’s sort of weighing me down. Then I’ll do a number two in a public bathroom and afterwards, this is how I feel…




Every single time,
and then there’s nothing that I feel I cannot handle.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Why Spit in the Burger?

Yeah, do it.

Every time I hear a story about somebody spitting on someone's Big Mac or whatever, I’d be lying if I said that I fully understood why. If it’s for revenge, then this sounds like the most limp-dicked, half-witted, albeit popular, form of revenge that there is. But I’m assuming there's some element of this that I'm missing that maybe someone else can let me in on. I just want to know what the desired result is in doing this exactly.

The part that baffles me is that I never hear that the person filmed themselves doing it and then sent it to the victim post-chow, or that they implied to the customer that they did to plant a seed of worry in their mind. So if the customer doesn't know about it, then where’s the revenge?

I know that when I worked in hospitality, which was just years of my life wasted on impatient arseholes and morons, the only times I ever spat in people's food was when I hadn't actually done it! Those meals were so clean that you could've eaten off them. Despite that, there were still a couple of poor souls over the years that I joyfully watched begrudgingly eat their meals because I made them think that I’d added a secret ingredient. To me, the implication of saliva was a far better trade-off than actually doing it! I never actually admitted to any tampering, I’d just drop implications, so I couldn't get into trouble and it all ended with a better result than if I’d actually done it. Trust me, there’s nothing quite like the psychological torture a person will put themselves through, especially when they’ve already paid and they know that you’re eyes are on them like anvils. Sense factor: a lot higher.

Or maybe it's not mental, so then the revenge must be physical. I can see that, but only if the cook has the hep or the herp or the men...ingacocal or some other nasty oral disease, with the intention to pass it on and ultimately make the person horribly ill. I can certainly see the revenge there, but that's all a little too macabre if you ask me, could even end in manslaughter charges. So...yyyeah!

Another thing too is that I think it's quite evident that most of us don’t have any shits to give about swapping spit to be perfectly honest. We all stick our tongues into strangers' mouths and many of us have no qualms with unprotected oral sex (and that's worse).

So unless you have some better suggestions as to why people do this, spitting in someone's food with no disease and no mental anguish makes no sense!