Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Intercourse about Intercourse

I’ve been thinking a lot about sex lately (Ha! ‘Lately’!) and how there is no activity better and basically no activity more human. In that light, I’ve come to learn that calling somebody out on their sexual activity is a pretty harsh crime to commit. It needs to be mentioned that sexuality and depravity are infact two different things.

For example, the word ‘slut’ used to be in the quick-list of my vocabulary, but I never truly had a grasp on what that meant. I used to think it was a numbers game; if you had lots of sex, you were a slut - immature outlook. A ‘slut’, a ‘tramp’, a ‘whore’ is a statement of not what those people do or how much they do it, but the attitude they have about what they do.

What the hell does that mean?

Well let’s say there are two people, one named Kelly and one named Sam. Kelly’s attractive and perfectly capable of holding down a relationship, but for the moment she only wants to be held down by whoever that night’s obsession may be at the time. Kelly loves sex and he/she's not ashamed to admit it either, but Kelly still does it with a sense of propriety and class. And for no other reason but that, Kelly has sex, preferably protected, with whomever he/she pleases.

But to my left we have Sam. Sam doesn't like sex, he/she just had it because this person on top of them was sort of showing interest, and hey, it’s a fleeting opportunity that won’t ever come to his/her hideous ass again! Besides, all of Sam’s friends are having sex anyway, so why not? There was also the pressure, that daunting, misplaced sense of obligation popping it’s head in through the door. I mean they were invited in, so I suppose he/she felt that it was only courteous.

Sam’s the slut.

Now that I've stepped a little further up the ladder, I can now see that a slut is just a person who tears open that condom wrapper for any reason other than because they wanted to. Not to settle some score; not to prove something; not because they’ve weaponised it; not because this may be the last chance they get - only because they wanted to. You fuck a lot with lots of different partners, good on you! ‘Inhibition’ is just another word for ‘not living life’ in my dictionary! But you aren’t a slut for that. In fact I have far more respect for somebody who has a healthy sex-life than somebody who treats sex like it's a big horny elephant in the room all the time.

And there’s my next point.

Sex. The word. The act. Some people do it, some don’t. Some people say it and some people shh! It’s all up to preference. But then there are people that think the act is a low one, and to mention the word is something to scoff their throats at. They keep what happens below the belt so close to their chest that the word ‘slut’ is placed above people's head not just for those that have lots of it, but just for people who have it at all! The word and the act of sex are disgusting to them! Prudes! And the entire notion of prudishness is something I’ve never completely been able to get my head around, even when I take into account age, upbringing and culture.

I mean, it’s natural. Can that even be argued with?

In my opinion, arousal is perhaps one of our most primal urges. I personally love sex. And doing it is only half the fun; talking about it is where it comes full-circle. I mean, what’s sex if you can’t talk about it? For me, sex makes being human worth it. It’s the fruit of our being. It's where stress goes to die. It’s awe-inspiring. It’s utterly electric. It’s natural. And then add love into the mix and it’s perhaps one of the most beautiful things that two people can ever experience together.

So then for somebody to come along and basically step on all of that by beating sex down into dirt and pretending that it’s this grotesque act that needn’t be mentioned in any forum, open or otherwise, that’s upsetting. Who the fuck are they? From what I understood in school, all of us are here as a direct-result of doin’ it, so if what got us here is low, then what does that make life? Any life, in or out of wedlock? It’s also unsettling to know that there are people on this planet that aren’t experiencing this beautiful thing that quintessentially makes us human. How can that be?

How the hell can that be?

Besides, isn't life already hard enough? Do people really need to drag sex down with everything else? Our lives are already burdened with so much bullshit, more important bullshit at that - we have no social lives because we spend most of our time climbing into and out of debt, overseas people suffer with war and persecution, a fraction of us here don’t know where we’ll be sleeping tonight or where and if we’ll be getting dinner tonight. We add so much onto stress, onto what could be a simple life, so can’t we just go home at night and knock boots without feeling fucking bad about it? Why can’t we just have this one thing?

Your choices are your choices, but I’m just saying, don’t be so hard on yourself about the sex you’ve had and especially the sex that others have had. It’s like god gave each of us a one million dollar cheque but we're all too scared to cash it. Cash that shit, just be responsible about it.

Photo credit: Melania Brescia

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