Sunday, May 25, 2014

The Female Mind is like Indiana Jones

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While I'd steadfastly agree that the female gender is the far-superior of the two sexes, I must point out that women are bat-shit insane.

Women only ever have one complaint about men, it's that we think with our penises. But that's just one thing - with women, there are millions of things! I look fat. My hair is frizzy. I wonder if they can see my chins. My arse is too big. My arse is too small. Look at my cleavage everybody! I'm nervous about the wedding because I've put on weight. Ew, pervert! Stop looking at my tits! Do these nine-inch heels and all this make up make me look like a circus-clown? Yes. Oh, thank god! I was worried!

Worried about what exactly?

Men think about sex every seven seconds, and women think abou...holy shit. I have no idea what women are thinking ever, because they're sixes and sevens crazy! They don't even know what they're thinking! If this were the Magic School Bus and we went inside a girl's head, I'd imagine it would be not unlike a scene from Indiana Jones! Choose any of the four and imagine pure-chaos.

There's a larger-than-life boulder tumbling toward him and he's running away as it draws closer. He swings from a vine over a pit of spikes and the vine only just holds him to the other side before snapping in half and whip-cracking to the ground. And then the Nazis make an entrance, shooting the place up. They're yelling racial slurs, even though Indiana wasn't exactly Jewish, I don't think. And then Shia Lebouf appears and starts fuckin' up the series. He gently whispers shit into the girl's ear drum like "Ooooh! Doesn't she look pretty?" And she thinks to herself "Yeah! Who said that she could look so pretty?"

That's what's going in every girl's head at any one time.

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