Friday, June 13, 2014

O for Oxy(moron)

For those reading who are still in primary school or whose mathematical-genius far trumps my inability to carry the one, here's a little lesson on what an oxymoron is.

An oxymoron is made up of two things: oxy-, a combining form meaning “sharp,” “acute,” “keen,” “pointed,” “acid,” and then -moron, an apt-description of the kid I saw wearing the below jumper today. Hypothetically, let's call him 'North' (because that's what stupid parents call their offspring). North's a moron because his dumb-jumper is an oxymoron and he doesn't even know it. It's a dumper!

First, let's briefly explore North's dumper at face-value. It LIKE MY FACEBOOKZhas a large Guy Fawkes mask on it, captioned underneath by the word 'disobey'. Guy Fawkes was a guy who tried to blow up British parliament in the 1600s. Since then, this stylised-depiction of him has been an emblem for protestors and anarchists, like Anonymous and the Occupy Wall Street movement. The mask is probably most famous for its prominent use in the graphic novel and film, V for Vendetta - a story about a bunch of fascists who wish to bring the government down and promote self-government. The word 'disobey' only serves to confirm that the use of the Guy Fawkes mask is indeed being used for this purpose and not to display fandom for the V for Vendetta series.

So in essence, North thinks he is fucking the system by wearing it.

However, what I suspect he doesn't know is that his dumper is just another object in the system, and his possession of it has only fed that same system it seeks to oppose. It's a truly fascinating and inspiring amount of stupidity for a single article of clothing.

Assuming that North doesn't sew or print images himself, here's why it's oxymoron:

One. North's dumper is a by-product of slavery. While Fawkes never verbally spoke-out against slavery, his depiction has become a symbol for anti-big-corporation by groups like the Occupy movement. The problem is that most of our clothing is made and sold by big-corporations. What's worse, you'll find that most of them manufacture their products in piece-of-shit factories in places like Bangledesh by people that aren't paid nor treated very well. Slavery is probably the most vile part of our system, and if we need to 'disobey' anything, it's that shit!

So to print a symbol of anti-big-corporation onto something that is sold and made by a big-corporation using exploitation and the nectar of evil that is slavery is just a cluster-fuck of conflicting ideas.

Two. He bought it with money! Money! You know? The cornerstone of capitalism? Let's pretend for a moment that it was actually made by some alternative Hippie indie store. They rubbed hemp into their hands, sewed the dumper together with fair-trade cotton and then sent it through a printing-press, all before sucking back a big motherfucker of a doobee. Even then, this is an oxymoron, because the Guy Fawkes mask is (as an umbrella-term) a symbol of anti-establishment, and money is a symbol of the complete opposite! You can't buy something with money and then use it to preach disobedience of the system that created that same money, because if you do, you're a fuckwit!

From a V for Vendetta standpoint, the dude Hugo Weaving played seeked to create a new system of self-governance, not carry on with the same governance - capitalism! Money is capitalism. Without it, we wouldn't have capitalism. So, the dumper is so dumb that it is even at odds with fiction!

This only furthers the point I was trying to make in my post last year about the popularity of Guns and Roses t-shirts and people who didn't like Guns and Roses that much. These people have no idea what they're buying half the time because they're tricked. They need to wake up! They would buy cancer if you put the right font on the fucking advertisements! You might even say it's a little like buying a Rage Against the Machine album. You might say that.

 

This concludes our lesson on oxymorons and the morons who take part in them.

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