Wednesday, July 29, 2015

5 Best Slots Games for your Phone

Slots are likely the most accessible casino games in the world. They’re dead simple to play, easy to understand and they don’t require a lot of brain activity. You just spin the reels and go. As it turns out, you can now enjoy that same thoughtlessness without having to ever leave your bed or call the moving men, thanks to iOS and Android. Let’s take a look at the best ones.


1. Hit It and Don't Quit It Free Casino Slots

[Price: Free with in-app purchases]
First up is Tigertown's first foray into the popular slots games genre for iPhone and Android. There are a lot of options here. There are over 20 slot machines that players can hop onto and the game prides itself on its good-looking slots. The developers also promise that four additional machines will be added every month. It also features some odd but fun features like playing up to 99 lines, and the ability to auto-play. It’s a decent experience, even if winning is a little hard to come by sometimes. Also, the in-game drunk Chinese gentlemen playing the machine next to you isn't much help either.


2. A Husband's Paradise Casino Slots

[Price: Free with in-app purchases]
A Husband's Paradise is another game with a lot of options, but it's missing the key ones, like losing all your family's money and dragging your spouse and two young girls through a messy divorce. Oh yeah! That's right! Because it isn't a real casino, and it isn't a real slots machine! It's just your phone, and you're on the bus! This free app may try to fool you into spending real money just when you're on that sweet hot streak, but it never gives you that opportunity to dip into your life-savings or to re-mortgage the house which gives real slot machines any viability as a game.


3. The Pharaohs No Skill Tester

[Price: Free with in-app purchases]
Pharoah's No Skill Tester is a slots game themed around a concept which they give 85% of slot machines: Ancient, Samurai, Mythical shit. It's sort of a metaphor for how the machines operate and manage to trick people into not spending the money on something more worthwhile, like hookers and blow. Where Pharoah's stands out (but not really) is that it's on your phone now! It succeeds in taking an already mind-congealing "game" of pushing a button over and over again and putting it on a significantly smaller screen. You can do this all without the money, the risk, the beer, the guilt (although that's unjustified), and, most of all, without the adrenaline rush of almost ruining your life.


4. The Movie I Love Justification Slots by Statynga!

[Price: Free with in-app purchases]
The Movie I Love Justification is the best justification for more pointless slots apps, as well as a great way to turn a harmless film that you love into a runaway train of life-ruining destruction. This slots game occupies the remaining 15% of machine ideas and includes a variety of themed slots, including: Wizard of Oz (because they get high as balls in that movie), The Terminator (because it's another metaphor), Sex and the City (because it can't just be men destroying their families), The Mummy (because let's sneakily fill this remaining 15% with Pharoahs anyway), and many others. So, If you like the slots and you like movies, but don't like trying to win real money, then head on over to the Google Play store and grab The Movie I Love Justification app.


5. Zeus’ Sober Adventure

Although not the best, this app takes you on Zeus’ Sober Adventure, where you see Zeus play a game you must be drunk to enjoy sober and on the toilet instead, like you. Actually, the reason I picked this one for number five is not because of how good a game it is, but because it just cuts the shit and makes sure it's clear that for some strange reason you've been playing slot machines not to win money but...what, you like the pretty pictures?

To wrap up...oh! You're still reading this? Ha!