Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Sydney Can’t Do Temperature Well

I'm in my second week of living in a country vastly different to my home in Sydney. It's Denmark and it's colder than a snowman's nutsack here. My number one fear in the lead up to the move was the indoor heating. You see, the natural cold I can handle, but not the artificial heating, and it was because Sydney are shit at doing temperature. What?

Sydney, and I guess Australia, are spoiled by the sultry-climate, which means that whenever it dips below 20 degrees Celsius, we run the heaters like there are fucking camels on the bus! Not just there, but trains, buildings, cafes, outdoor dining. We treat cold like it's noxious gas. Which means a good looking fella wearing three layers, a scarf and gloves with a 15 degree chill on his cheeks comes down with a fever the moment he walks inside a place. He then has to shed layers like a snake and haul his clothes around like an awkward piece of luggage. I'm not claustrophobic, but twice I've had an anxiety attack on a peak hour Sydney train brimming with hot flesh because the drivers don't know how to account for the volume of people.

Conversely, in the summer, which Sydney has a surplus, everybody holds a competition to make it snow inside. They say it happened once in the 60s, but I think it might be bullshit. There's nothing quite like wearing next to nothing, being drenched in sweat and then having to walk through an 18 degree chill coming from the south-west of the supermarket you're in.

So when the prospect of moving to a cold climate came about, I was concerned. I thought it would be like this around the world! I didn't want any more anxiety attacks, or sweaty armpits in the freezing cold, or cheeks I can't bring back down to room temperature. Since arriving however I realised that it's just that Sydney is just full of morons! They just don't know how to do temperature well. Oh, they can turn a train carriage into a sauna and my underwear into the adjoining pool, making it a full hotel package! They can fight one horrible temperature with an equally horrible one, but they have no clue how to make people comfortable. This country does. The Brits know how to as well. There's comfort inside and snow on the window and I have no complaints.

It's all about the tools though. Australians use harsh heaters; these cold countries use subtle radiators. They emit heat, don't pump it. That's all Aussies know how to do, pump heat out of our air conditioning units, or turn the chillers off in a concrete building and let the residual heat do it's job.

Anyway, Sydney just can't do temperature well.

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